Thursday Thirteen: Loving Ways

I’ve been reading Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Dr. John Gray lately. The metaphor is absurd, but the logic and insights behind it are sound. I picked it up on a whim to see some concrete examples of the different ways that men and women communicate and react to emotional intimacy — very cool book in that respect. I’ve already gotten several ideas on how to improve the conflict between characters and various ideas on how to better show the growing romance between a hero and a heroine and some of the obstacles they may be setting up for themselves.

 

13 Ways to Show and Need Love

We think of these as ways that women show love, but they are also the ways in which they feel and recognize that they are loved. A woman’s ability to love is recharged when she feels these needs are being met.

1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation
6. Reassurance

Men recognize love when they are on the receiving end of these types of affection.

7. Trust
8. Acceptance
9. Appreciation
10. Admiration
11. Approval
12. Encouragement

13. Hot Monkey (more than ’nuff said)
What? You didn’t think I would/could be completely serious did you?

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1 Lorelei James 2 Ava Rose Johnson 3 R.G. Alexander 4 Amelia June
5 Gina Ardito 6 Cassandra Curtis 7 Jane E. Jones 8 Savannah Chase
9 Susan Helene Gottfried 10 Kelly McCrady 11 Alice Audrey 12 DD Mills
13 vixen 14 Sandra Schwab 15 Morgan St. John 16 Carrie Lofty
17 Unusual Historicals 18 Jennifer McKenzie 19 frustrated writer 20

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He said, She said…

Differing Communication StylesThe article linked to the right concerns a study done on African-American males and females – an interesting read. The study cited delves into some deeper points and some particulars beyond the terms I’m thinking in. However, I liked the image and figured it was interesting enough to point out.

I’d like to focus more on the male/female differences that seem to crop up and become problematic in our relationships with members of the opposite sex. I’ve been thinking a lot about how these differences might manifest and be shown through dialogue. It’s certainly an opportunity to create some friction between those poor unsuspecting characters too!

I’ve been reading Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray, not because DH and I have been having issues communicating, but more to gain some insights on how people with those types of issues act and talk. I like to think DH isn’t your stereotypical male, so basing romance heroes on how he would react or even speak seems counterintuitive (No offense, sweetie!). I can only imagine what he thought the first time he saw me reading that book.

Anyway, despite the hokey Martian/Venusian metaphor, Gray’s descriptions of how men and women react and communicate differently make sense. I’ve already gotten a couple of ideas on how to better portray a couple characters from it. The idea of men retreating to their cave is so prevalent in the Regency-set historical romance novels I read. How many times has the hero retreated to his study?

Like in Vogler‘s Writer’s Journey, I’m coming up against ideas that I’ve intuitively known. Once again I’m being forced to re-examine and re-evaluate how I view the world and how I can turn that to an advantage in my writing.