Brute Force Won’t Cut It

Square Peg in a Round Hole When I’m trying to write lately, I feel like nothing fits smoothly. DH says I’m trying too hard and over-thinking everything. I’ve tried to back off and let things ferment, but so far that’s not working either.

I’ve had a week where I was pretty much away from the computer and didn’t even write out my journal entries by hand for 3 days. I feel like I should be bursting with the need to write something down, anything. I have done nothing concrete but think about the critique from the beginning of the month. No, I haven’t been fixated on what people were saying, but more on how I’m going to fix the issues brought up.

I did go look at how I was trying to outline my other WIP, and was chagrined to find that most of what I’d been thinking of as “plot points” that the story must hit along the way, were really emotional points and described in those terms as well. I keep meaning to drop a note to Jodi about this, as I think she’d be amused too. Of course, then she’d whap me upside the head and ask why I hadn’t done it for Revealed yet. *sigh* That’s probably why I keep conveniently forgetting to tell her.

My main problem is that my attention span is about the same as that of a gnat. I know I’m still under a lot of stress, not just from trying to resettle back in after the fires, but also with other commitments that are coming due this week. Stress is not conducive to wanting to write. It may help generate topics for journal entries, but not creative fiction.

The books I’ve been reading lately also haven’t been a source of motivation. The majority of them haven’t even sparked the “I could do that better” energy, that’s how little I liked the premise or how completely derailed I am.

Don’t mind me, I’m just feeling blue and in a funk. I think I’m going to go reread Dorothea Brande’s Becoming a Writer. She’s always good for some inspiration and motivation. If nothing else, she makes me want to be able to write in that easy, free and encouraging voice of hers.

Contrary to Popular Belief…

Ships sailing off the edge of the world -- a flat Earth. I have not fallen off the face of the earth. Real life has intruded and decided to complicate life further. Nothing bad, just I have more than one person should have to do at once. The number of demands on my time, my attention, and my car are quite high this week.

My in-laws are coming this weekend so trying to get the house in shape for that is a Herculean effort. Hey, why can’t they send me a demi-god to take care of all this? I’d be tempted to reroute a river to get rid of the clutter but unfortunately, our stable sits at the top of a hill and I don’t think it would work.

I don’t know why I feel so overwhelmed lately. The weather has changed from sunny and in the low eighties to cloudy/foggy in the mornings and settling in the upper sixties during the day. Usually I thrive in that temperature range.

I think the lack of colorful fall foliage has a lot to do with my fall downturns. I grew up in western Maryland near the Blue Ridge Mountains. Lots of color there. There was a huge red maple at the foot of our driveway. Giant leaves would turn a brilliant golden, shift to a fiery orange and finally turn a flame red. When the calendar claims it should be fall and everyone else is talking about the fall colors and the frost and everything else, for the last dozen years I’ve sat surrounded by people wearing shorts.

I haven’t had time to do more than my daily journals this week. I did pull out a set of index cards and printed off my spreadsheet layout of what are essentially digital index cards to work on adding emotional notes on the back of them. Unfortunately, the kids had other ideas and needed too much help with finishing their homework.

I need to come up with a set for the other two stories that I’ve been working on lately: the food critic and the spinster who’s going to the masquerade ball. I think not knowing the exactly sequence of events and then what emotional state the characters are supposed to be in at those various points along the plotline are making themselves into a convenient excuse not to work on them. If I exhaust every excuse I can come up with, I think I’ll have a better shot at working past all these self-erected obstacles.

Thursday Thirteen: Procrastination!

Besides perfectionism, procrastination is my next biggest issue. Way back in college, it used to be a running joke that for me a study break was when I took a break and studied. I’m finding similar issues these days as I find myself reluctant to face certain truths or balk at actually writing them down. I don’t recommend any of these methods, but maybe it’ll help you recognize your own self-sabotage tactics.

13 Signs You May Be Procrastinating

1. You catch yourself humming as you go to gather laundry and you HATE doing laundry.

2. You noticed a speck of dust and rush to grab the feather duster and proceed to run it over every surface in the house.

3. You obsessively check your email. Discounts on Viagra and the possibility of your non-existent eBay account being compromised are beginning to look interesting.

4. You find yourself jumping up in the middle of a sentence to go check some minute detail because you were just reading about it and want to get the quote exactly right.

5. Balancing your checkbook becomes your highest priority even though you just did it yesterday. It MIGHT have changed.

6. You need to go check if there are any new posts on your favorite forum, RD always delivers when you need a distraction.

7. You find yourself drinking more water, not because you’re necessarily thirsty, but it means more trips to the bathroom to “think”. Oh, and the plants are probably thirsty too.

8. You play with the fonts. See! It looks better that way… courier is too icky. Times New Roman is boring! What you need is a fresh look at your writing… how about something to put it in context? Regency Script, Copperplate or even FUTURA?

9. Hmmm? Was that your stomach that just growled? Snack time is always good for a few extra minutes.

10. That song playing is driving you nuts! The shuffle isn’t shuffling randomly. You swear it’s picking out favorite songs just to annoy you.

11. You catch yourself staring at the phone, willing it to ring. Maybe the kids forgot something at school. That’ll burn a half hour or so to find it and then drive over and back.

12. You must have some bills floating around on your desk that haven’t been paid. What starts out as a hunt for one unpaid bill, turns into a marathon desk-organizing mission.

13. It’s only Friday, but you’re already pondering what to put in next week’s TT. Hey, if you do one a day for a week, you won’t have to worry about them for a while!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1 Gina Ardito	2 Heather	3 Susan Helene Gottfried	4 Carrie Lofty
5 Unusual Historicals	6 Debbie Mumford	7 Deb Logan	8 Rene Lyons

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View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Pinning Down Details

I finished the story arc I’ve been talking about recently. I’m not at the point where I can do them quickly, so I may just post them as I finish them and feel they’re readable. Once I finish a few more minor edits, I will post that one on a page here with links to it, hopefully tomorrow.

One of the reasons this one went so easily, after I got past the first obstacle, was that I was more familiar with the characters and had taken the time to draw out a reasonable road map of where exactly I wanted to go. Problems arise when I try to skip the step of pinning down some detail upon which hinges either a major plot point or one that defines a character. My food critic and her chef suffer from this lack of detail currently. I really need to dig into their story, give the world more depth and provide the characters with more dimensions.

One of the Romance Divas (Hi MamaDivine!) asked me if I’m going to participate in NaNoWriMo this November. I hedged with her and said I probably won’t because of how crazy November can be around here. To participate on the official site, you need to be working on something new. I don’t want to scrap 25k and begin again from scratch. I could work on the novel in a less official manner but I know I’m reluctant to go in and add more bulk to my novel in progress just for the sake of increasing the word count by 50k. The prospect of a large-scale goal and deadline are also making me balk. I don’t think I’m quite ready to commit to something that large and looming. I’d like to take a bit more time for planning and practice first.

The best laid plans…

fighting mouse I’m not sure if my plan is going to work. Yesterday, I worked on a story arc for another story idea that’s been around for a while. I spent far longer than 30 minutes on it and I didn’t get beyond than the set up and inciting incident.

I should probably start on one that I don’t already have any part written out. I ended up taking what I’d already written and trimmed it to 250 words and left it at that. My internal editor had a field day and, of course, once I got to the point where I’d previously stopped writing – SPLAT! Crash and burn, baby. Do not pass go; do not collect $200. There was a complete dead standstill in my brain.

I don’t know why I have a problem with that. I’ve run into it several times now. I’ve hit that same point in the Food Critic story as well. I stopped and now there seems to be a brick wall preventing me from moving forward in the story. On one hand, I suspect it has something to do with how thoroughly I’ve thought through a story. On the other, I haven’t made an explicit agreement with myself to come back to finish it. There’s also the likelihood that something shiny grabbed my attention in the meantime.

However, I need to make sure I try this exercise the way I planned and not give up so easily. Writing exercises done only in your head don’t accomplish anything. My friend, Bria of the Purple Hearts, commented on the previous post that she was learning a lot from me on process. I hope it’s not just lessons in what NOT to do. 🙂

It’s Bad When…

…your own son tells you that you need a vacation just as soon as Daddy gets home.

Turbulent wave with foam

<– How I Feel

September has been a stressful month on several fronts. DH has been traveling a lot this month for work. The kids are amazing! They’re able able to tune in and immediately amplify any stress I’m feeling. Mondays seem to be the worst night, especially when Dad’s gone. After two days of no routine, the kids are reluctant to settle back into doing their homework in a reasonable time.

They’re natural procrastinators. What I can I say? They come by it honestly. There’s also this impossible chemistry that goes on between them when you put them within 6 feet of each other. Somehow, even though they’re both under 5 feet still, one will end up touching, pushing, kicking or hitting the other the second your back is turned. An, of course, you can’t separate them. “*I* want you!” and “I was here FIRST!”

I can hear you now, “Why haven’t you been writing during the day, then?” I’ve tried. In fact, that’s when I planned on writing. After dropping off the kids at school , I have a nice chunk of time that’s relatively open until 2 pm. I was doing better when I was getting up early and doing my journal before getting the kids up. Maybe I can get back to that next week. I need some sleep.

I am still cranking out around 1,000 words a day in my journal and I’ve been fairly regular about posting here. What I haven’t Calm, small wavelets been able to do is make any progress on either of my current stories. The Food Critic has my inner editor screaming about no oomph, no real crisis, no real plot and every time I sit down to look at it, I find it impossible to move beyond where I stopped two weeks ago. The novel is likewise sitting dead in the water. I don’t know if I’d label it writer’s block exactly, but I’m in need of decompression time.