Thursday Thirteen: Loving Ways

I’ve been reading Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Dr. John Gray lately. The metaphor is absurd, but the logic and insights behind it are sound. I picked it up on a whim to see some concrete examples of the different ways that men and women communicate and react to emotional intimacy — very cool book in that respect. I’ve already gotten several ideas on how to improve the conflict between characters and various ideas on how to better show the growing romance between a hero and a heroine and some of the obstacles they may be setting up for themselves.

13 Ways to Show and Need Love

We think of these as ways that women show love, but they are also the ways in which they feel and recognize that they are loved. A woman’s ability to love is recharged when she feels these needs are being met.

1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation
6. Reassurance

Men recognize love when they are on the receiving end of these types of affection.

7. Trust
8. Acceptance
9. Appreciation
10. Admiration
11. Approval
12. Encouragement

13. Hot Monkey (more than ’nuff said)
What? You didn’t think I would/could be completely serious did you?

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1 Lorelei James	2 Ava Rose Johnson	3 R.G. Alexander	4 Amelia June
5 Gina Ardito	6 Cassandra Curtis	7 Jane E. Jones	8 Savannah Chase
9 Susan Helene Gottfried	10 Kelly McCrady	11 Alice Audrey	12 DD Mills
13 vixen	14 Sandra Schwab	15 Morgan St. John	16 Carrie Lofty
17 Unusual Historicals	18 Jennifer McKenzie	19 frustrated writer	20

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Sentiment vs Sentimentality

Romantic Couple Holding Hands I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. In one of the craft books I was reading there was a whole section on the topic. The idea was that sentiment is sincere, honest emotion and sentimentality is a pre-packaged emotional bundle.

Clichés become clichés because too many people see the usefulness in the pre-packaged emotions. Unfortunately, once this tactic is recognized, the reader/viewer resists the stale emotional call, and is liable to react unfavorably toward the author/screenwriter.

I hate it when I feel manipulated by an otherwise good movie or book. It always feels like the screenwriter or author took the easy way out. Why substitute good honest emotions for the equivalent of a canned laugh track? The trick, I think, is recognizing when you’re about to do this yourself and reach deeper to find the truth in the situation and expose it for your audience.

It’s intimidating to think of writing about love and trying to avoid the clichés when everything has been said and done before. The best will find a fresh way to present it and a new perspective of looking at how we relate to each other and the inner turmoil experienced as we fall in love.

Which category my writing will fall under is still to be discovered. I know which I’m going to be striving toward, but I’m sure the early pieces will tend to slip toward the path of least resistance. This is going to be interesting as I try to explore feelings between made up people that I often find difficulty expressing in my own life. I never did think that this was going to be THAT easy.

He said, She said…

The article linked to the right concerns a study done on African-American males and females – an interesting read. The study cited delves into some deeper points and some particulars beyond the terms I’m thinking in. However, I liked the image and figured it was interesting enough to point out.

I’d like to focus more on the male/female differences that seem to crop up and become problematic in our relationships with members of the opposite sex. I’ve been thinking a lot about how these differences might manifest and be shown through dialogue. It’s certainly an opportunity to create some friction between those poor unsuspecting characters too!

I’ve been reading Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray, not because DH and I have been having issues communicating, but more to gain some insights on how people with those types of issues act and talk. I like to think DH isn’t your stereotypical male, so basing romance heroes on how he would react or even speak seems counterintuitive (No offense, sweetie!). I can only imagine what he thought the first time he saw me reading that book.

Anyway, despite the hokey Martian/Venusian metaphor, Gray’s descriptions of how men and women react and communicate differently make sense. I’ve already gotten a couple of ideas on how to better portray a couple characters from it. The idea of men retreating to their cave is so prevalent in the Regency-set historical romance novels I read. How many times has the hero retreated to his study?

Like in Vogler‘s Writer’s Journey, I’m coming up against ideas that I’ve intuitively known. Once again I’m being forced to re-examine and re-evaluate how I view the world and how I can turn that to an advantage in my writing.

Comfort Zones

Yesterday’s Thursday Thirteen scraped against the edges of a few people’s comfort zones. Many commenters noted how they could never do any of them or how they would never attempt certain ones. A couple of the items were declared dangerous!

Yes, impulsive behavior can lead to dangerous consequences, which is why I said I didn’t endorse rushing out to do them. ALL of those items are well beyond my own personal comfort zone and I’m glad several people recognized it for the brainstorming activity it was.

Normally, I’m not impulsive or spontaneous when dealing with people. Small talk with someone I don’t know very well is pushing it for me. I am more likely to buy something that looks fun (or tasty!) or to drive somewhere new just to see where that road leads.

I think I like the idea of spontaneity even if I rarely act on outrageous (heck, even little) impulses. Serendipity also plays a big roll in how we deal with the world too — enough good experiences when we go out on a limb will lead us to take more risks in the future.

Joining the Romance Divas was one of my most impulsive moves. Imagine the unease I felt when I accidentally clicked on the live chat link and found myself welcomed and ordered to WRITE! It was scary, but I did it and those chat challenges have become one of my favorite things. It’s amazing how easily you can step out of your comfort zone with a little nudge, a lot of support, and the realization that there are others in the same boat.

Now, I need to settle in and adjust to the new ideas I’ve been absorbing at a rapid rate and put off worrying about what lies beyond my comfy, little cave until after I’ve dealt with these new growing pains.

Inspiration & Birthdays!

Don’t you wish you could see the actual moment when the lightbulb metaphorically clicks on over your head? Me too. Then there would be physical evidence you could point to and exclaim, “Aha!” You’d instantly know the feeling and be able to better recognize it the next time inspiration struck and be ready to capitalize on it
It’s difficult generating your own inspiration if you’re not used to doing it. I think kids have it the easiest. They can pick up and start a game of make-believe with the most complicated rules and ideas on the spot. Me? I have to work at it. Nothing feels natural any more. Everything feels contrived and I end up walking away feeling old, tired and jaded.

Maybe I need to spend a few afternoons playing on the floor with the kids under a blanket that’s standing in for a castle, or just spinning in the yard and collapsing to look up at the sky and see what all is living and playing in the clouds. Heck, they can turn a video game about racing into a school house in the blink of an eye. It’s a shame that sense of wonder and amusement t as we grow older and take on more responsibilities and give in to pressures that leave us with little time to look at the world through the eyes of a child.

You’d think it was my birthday instead of DH’s and my uncle’s with such gloomy!

So what grand romantic gesture did I make today? Well, he’s out of town, so I took his car and had it lubed, washed and filled the tank with gas. Usually, you see this one work the OTHER way around, right? Not in our house. I know it’s not something he thinks about, and every so often I take care of his car. It eliminates a dreaded errand for him and gives me a little peace of mind concerning his safety as he’s driving around.

Happy Birthday, dear.

Why Romance, Love?

Victorian Love
When people come over and see my Romance shelf, thirty linear feet of books, they ooh and ah over how many I have accumulated. I’m more impressed by the effort that the authors put into writing them and then getting them to market.

Why Read Romance?

For me, Romance novels provide a pleasant escape from the real world and allow me to luxuriate in a world where life is somehow less complicated and everything is much more idealized. I tend to read more historical romances than contemporaries because the slower lifestyle (even if there were different hardships to endure) appeals more.

The Historical Romances also provide a further escape from the reality of my life in suburbia, complete with the minivan with two kids in the back. In the novels, the heroines have the luxury of only worrying about their own schedule, needs, hopes and dreams. They aren’t required to do the thinking for several other people in their households.

Why Write Romance?

I’ve also been missing a creative outlet in my life lately and the urge to write has grown strong again. I don’t know if my motives are pure, but I’d like to give it a go and see what kinds of stories I have in me to tell. I’m interested in exploring the themes of love, romance and human relations through my characters. I’m looking forward to some of the things they can teach me about love and myself along the way.

I know I still have a lot of growing to do as a writer, but I’m in this for the long haul.