Tag: comfort zone

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone!

This week for our How I Write series, my accountability group asked about Comfort Zones. So what exactly is one?

Comfort Zone: Those places or activities where you’re comfortable and free from anxiety.

Things that create stress and ratchet up your fears are most certainly outside of your comfort zone.

Now, there’s no question I’m an introvert, I’m drained by physically being around other people and being “on” for them, which is one of the reasons I love the internet. So one of my physical comfort zones is my cave.
I don’t have a dark cave, but it’s mine and it’s comfy.

As you can guess, I REALLY dislike doing new things in new places, especially with new people. Just joining RWA and attending my local chapter meetings used to be outside my comfort zone. Now, I don’t want to miss a month! At times it can be a bit draining, but mostly it’s become something that is a breath of fresh air each month. A sort of homecoming.

On the writing front, there have been a few other frontiers that I’ve ventured toward this year: contests, conferences, and submitting to agents.

In each of these areas, I’ve told myself, “It’s ok. Do it once, if you really hate it, don’t do it again. But you’ve tried. Each step past the line is that much farther you’re stepping out of your comfort zone.”

Ok, so the verdict is still out on conferences, but I’m actually excited about it, not freaking out. Maybe I will when I get there, but I’ll have made the effort. I think it’s interesting that I didn’t even ask my family if they wanted to tag along this time. This is progress for me.

Contests: once I submitted to one contest, I submitted to another. Submitting was the easy part. Reading the score sheets was far more difficult! But I survived. Will I do it again? Probably. It was a great way to get impartial feedback from experienced writers.

Submitting to agents: I haven’t gone hog wild with this one. I’m actually “still waiting” to hear from the agency I submitted to last fall to get my PRO status. Yeah, not holding my breath though! I also won two opportunities through other agents to submit a bit of my work to them for critique. Talk about removing most of the pressure! I got very valuable feedback from one of them and I’m still waiting to hear from the other. It’s only been a few weeks, so I’m not worried! I know how super busy she is from twitter.

I think the biggest thing I gained from these latter two opportunities wasn’t just the feedback, but getting concrete evidence that they’re real people who love books too. They’re not scary except how we build them up in our minds as makers and breakers of our careers.

Does that mean I’m rushing out to query every other agent on the planet? Nope! But, I know it’s issues concerning my manuscript that are holding me back and not fear of the agents themselves.

“Been there, done that.” Is a big phrase for me and it doesn’t come with negative connotations. I don’t hear it in that condescending air of ennui. It doesn’t mean I’m bored with something, but rather that I’ve experienced it and it’s not a huge unknown looming on the horizon for me. It’s more of a “No big deal” type of phrase in my head.

YOUR TURN: What do YOU do to push yourself to step out of your comfort zones?

And if you’d like to read about how the rest of my accountability group answered, you can find their blogs here:

* Alexia Reed * Kimberly Farris * Danie Ford * Emma G. Delaney

Hang In There

California Brown LizardThere have been multiple times in the last several years when I’ve almost given up because this writing thing as too frustrating, too hard. Other people made it look so easy, and I couldn’t seem wrap my head around the simplest things.

I think one of the biggest dangers comes when a writer sits in isolation and tries to, well, write. Without feedback and just honest conversation with other writers about their work and process, you only have the doubts in your own head echoing off each other.

A couple weekends ago, my critique partner and I took a face-to-face writing day. We usually just toss stuff back and forth in email, but we’re lucky enough to live close enough that this was feasible. The next weekend, I attended a special workshop for my RWA chapter here in town. These two events recharged my writing energy and enthusiasm better than months on twitter where I’ve pretty much surrounded myself with other writers.

Why? Well, honestly, because both my CP, Dara Young and my RWA chapter rock. But also because I was interacting instead of just reacting or listening to my own doubts. These people told me things about myself and my writing because I asked the right questions. Social media is way too often used for “me, me, me” and we’re only human, so it’s expected. The goldmines can be found where you can find someone willing to sit down and hold an honest conversation that benefits you both.

If you have yet to find that spot where you feel comfortable hanging out, be patient. Try out a few different places and ask questions. Romance writers are some of the nicest people you could ever meet. Don’t be scared to comment on a blog because you don’t personally know the blogger. They won’t bite. Well, some might, but you have to ask them nicely first. My point is, you might just find a hangout that suits you where you least expect it. Stepping outside your comfort zone gets easier each time you push yourself.

What are you doing to stop clinging to your safe boundaries and put yourself out there?

ME? I’m blogging more often again, made a submission to a literary agency, have become more active again on the forums at Romance Divas, and am trying to talk to more people I meet out in the social media sphere. Feel free to look me up on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+, or even Flickr and say hi because like Kristen Lamb says, “We are not alone.”