This is still really rough, but I spent a large chunk of today working on turning my worksheet of scenes with their info and list of beats to be hit into a genuine stab at a blurb and synopsis. I realize that it’s still needs a lot of work and many of the details have either not floated to the surface of my brain or not made it to the page. I’m not particularly tied to the names for the Hero and Heroine, but there is a reason for them.
This step pretty much correlates to writing out all the steps for the big quest in the area or zone if I were designing a game area.
Questions, comments, and critiques all welcome.
The Blurb
When an accommodating miller’s son stops to help a gypsy woman shunned by the rest of his village, he learns the daughter of one noble family has been kidnapped by another and must decide if he can give up the potential riches to be gained by working in the second household to steal away with his newfound love.
The Synopsis
Alex Miller can’t seem to help himself. He always lends a helping hand to those in need around him but his father refuses to see how his son’s altruism will be an advantage when Alex won’t ask for assistance he so readily gives to others.
Returning from the village to replace a broken gear for the mill, Alex comes across a wagon stuck in the ditch. An old Gypsy woman complains no one has bothered to stop all day and rewards Alex’s kindness with news of Anthea’s kidnapping and gives him a magic bell she claims will aid his rescue of this beautiful young debutante. He remains unconvinced of the bell’s usefulness, but unwilling to insult her, he tucks it away before heading home.
His father is furious with how long it has taken Alex to travel to the village, pick up the part and return. They argue over why it matters if Alex takes the time to help others when working the mill is a sure-fire way to get no where fast. His father proclaims he will never amount to much and Alex storms upstairs to pack his bag. He’s got a noblewoman to rescue.
Alex is anxious to complete his quest, but he is unable to ignore the pleas of three young men of consequence when his help and ingenuity is required to get them out of their predicaments. When the four stop for the night at an unsavory tavern, they overhear rumors of a woman being held prisoner on a nearby estate by a wealthy and powerful family. In the morning, Alex slips away, but finds his friends have followed him for lack of better entertainment.
His hopes for proving his worthiness, and the worth of helping others, to his father die when the butler slams the door in their face. They return to the tavern to plot a way into the household in order to rescue Anthea.
One of his friends uses his influence to convince the Matriarch of the family, a nasty, old dragon of a woman to hire Alex as a groom. She is flattered by their false praises for her lost beauty and agrees, placing Alex personally in charge of her eldest son’s prized mare.
The horse proves fractious and escapes from Alex. In desperation, he pulls out the small bell given to him by the gypsy and sounds it. The animal is found by one of his friends and Alex’s position is safe. He denies having any problems and the Matriarch rewards him with new copper-colored finery and invites him to join the family for dinner.
At the ball, he meets the kidnapped noblewoman and learns of her unhappiness. The Matriarch is holding her captive until her eldest son returns from wherever the hell he is hiding. He promises to find a way to rescue her.
The next time he is sent to exercise the mare, she once again escapes. He searches where she was found before to no avail. He gives in and rings the bell. Another of his friends locates and returns the horse, saving Alex’s hide. His reward is silver-colored finery and an invitation to an intimate dinner party hosted by the Matriarch, who then treats him more as a guest than a servant.
One evening, he finds Anthea alone in the garden and she confesses her wish to marry for love not duty, nor political or financial gain. He relates the plans for escape that he and his friends have devised, but she advises him to ask the Matriarch for a useful reward such the mare’s foal instead of accepting cast-off clothing and ignoring how the family laughs at him behind his back.
The next day, he’s sent to exercise the prize mare and he relaxes his guard when she behaves for him. She slips away while he daydreams. He searches the locations in which she was previously found but resorts to ringing the bell in desperation. He returns to the stables only to meet his third friend returning from the river where the mare had been grazing. The Matriarch is impressed he has done so well given the horse’s mischievous streak. Alex boldly requests ownership of the mare’s foal before she can offer him more clothing. She laughs and pleased by his confidence, she gifts him with a splendid outfit of golden finery and invites him to a ball that night as well.
Instead, Alex and the noblewoman sneak off to the stables where she locates the foal – a finely grown gelding. They hide when a groom doing his final round surprises the couple and then flee on horseback to meet up with his trio of allies at the tavern.
Their escape is soon noticed and the family’s younger sons, sent to retrieve the bride the Matriarch had picked out for her eldest son, pursue them across the fields. The brothers’ relentless pursuit means Alex and his friends must rely on the noblewoman’s knowledge of the area and trust her judgment.
After a harrowing night, Anthea guides everyone safely to her mother’s house where Alex’s worth is questioned and she defends his actions and decisions. He admits he requires assistance to defeat the Matriarch’s younger sons and guarantee Anthea’s safety. A few favors are called in and the enemy is routed for good.
Her mother wants to ensure her daughter’s happiness and can’t imagine she’ll be happy as a miller’s son living so far away. Alex assures her that he won’t be continuing in the family business and intends to build a home of his own. Anthea declares she will never love another but they can visit every year during the winter holidays. His father is summoned for the wedding.
Looks like you made a pretty good stab at it.
I like your blurb, too. You do something I do and a lot of others, we try too hard to get the message across, so we say more than we need.
I think I still get your message if you leave out accomodating and potential. Him stopping to help shows he’s accomodating and potential and to be gained both are future possibility.
Also, adding from at the end will clarify things for me. gained from working
Great job. I’m only commenting because it sounds like you are going all the way with this. The books sounds enthralling and I wish you the best.
Respectfully,
Laurie
Thanks, Laurie!
I appreciate your comments and see what you mean about hitting over the head with a few things. I think my biggest chore beyond getting beyond “vague” is knowing when I’ve been “too obvious”. Finding that happy medium is a real trick. I’m making changes on my local copy, so they may not show up here soon.
I got stuck on the mare. LOL I kept thinking she was pregnant because you mentioned “foal”. Then I wondered why someone was riding a pregnant mare. When the “foal” turned out to be a fully grown male horse, gelded already, I think I got confused. Coming from a horse background, the mixed terminology confused me. I would exchange “foal” for “colt”. Although, I’m sure there are tons of readers who wouldn’t even notice it, better to be clear so we horseheads don’t get lost! *wink*
Hey, Kaige.
There are definitely some places where I’m confused, but I can’t go over them now because I’m at work. But questions and comments are coming.
(This is a historical romance, correct?)
Thanks for looking it over, Winter and Unhinged. Tuesdays are crazy-day at my house and this one was worse than usual.
Unhinged, yes on the historical part. I’m not certain it qualifies for full romance status or just w/elements. Regency period since that’s the one I’m most familiar with.
I’ll be out most of the afternoon and evening, so take your time with questions and comments. I’m trying really hard to keep from pointing to the last several puzzle-theme posts to possibly help with explanations and failing big-time. I know, I won’t be able to point an agent or publisher to another source.
Why do I feel like English is not my native language sometimes? =)
One last question.
This blurb and synopsis is what you want to sub to an agent or publisher (with reworking)?
Or, is this your road map FOR writing the story?
Definitely a just roadmap for writing it at this point.
Don’t worry about spending so much time on these things. In the end, it’s worth it. 🙂
Thanks, Tempest.
I’m not so much worried about the amount of time I’m spending on things like this, but more worried about going about it in a productive manner. 🙂 I know this whole process is going to take time.
I think the shortest I ever finished an area for the game was two weeks and that was a pretty bare bones with a legend I knew pretty well as the basis for the area. This was over Christmas break in grad school and I didn’t do much for those two weeks. Felt a lot like NaNo!
Cool, I’m glad you’re not in a hurry for feedback/questions/comments/etc. I’m rather intense when I go over stuff like this and I’d rather look at this (and give it the attention it REALLY deserves) over the weekend.
I wish I could do this–what you’ve done. I’ll have to focus and try it sometime. I love just writing and not knowing what’s ahead, just letting my fingers do the typing and hoping the characters take over. But even if that happens for me now and then, I don’t know where to head from there.
So yeah. I gotta try this style. (How long have you been working on this? Honestly!)
Let’s see… The first post about this folktale was the 26th of Feb, and I’d been playing with it a couple days before that… so a little over a week for this particular idea? However, the process I used this time has been one I’ve worked with for over a decade when I was working on the text-game.
I just bought two new craft books: Nancy Kress‘ Beginnings, Middles & Ends and Leigh Michaels‘ On Writing Romance. I haven’t picked up the Kress yet, but talk about your Aha! moments in the Michaels. I literally felt something click in my head. I don’t think this was a wasted exercise, but boy, do I have a bunch of reworking to do if I want this to be a romance story and not just some rambling little piece of crap. LOL
Anyway… pantsing vs plotting. I think you have to do what you feel comfortable with. I started out very seat of the pants and I realized I never got beyond a certain point. Man, this book is making it VERY clear why not. Expect a full post on it tomorrow. I’m still reading but whoa! I like it when the characters take over and do the right thing, but I do find I have to channel them in a specific direction to get anywhere.
I like it. I can see the bare bones of the older story under it, and I like the way you brought it up to date, (or at least as up to date as a historical can get, lol)
I’m waiting for the leigh michaels post 🙂
Alright, since the Michaels book (I think I’ll have to get it, too) has been such a revelation considering the conflict that involves both hero and heroine, and how their love will be tested by conflict, I’ll only mention a few things for your consideration.
How is it that a gypsy knows about the abduction of a noblewoman? Why does she care about the noblewoman’s rescue at all?
I think it’s unlikely a hoity-toity Matriarch would invite a stable boy to dinner/a ball. (Just think of the scandal. Appearances are everything.) So unless Alex has more charisma than the average man, and/or unless the Matriarch is the type to thumb her nose at convention, this might be tricky to pull off. Of course, she did steal heroine…
Also, in reading through this road map, I didn’t get a sense of strong feeling or attraction between the h/h. Besides the rescue, what else is there that draws one to the other?
~*~*~*~
Now I want to do a synopsis! I think I will, yes.
Thanks, Unhinged. Yes, the Michaels’ book pretty much covers your last concern there. I think part of that is me trying to shoehorn one type of story into another, but I think it can be made to work. It’s definitely not a romance yet.
As for the gypsy knowing: it’s a given in the folktale, but I have some ideas about how to handle it. Call me crazy but I think the girl’s mother has dressed up to try to find someone to help her since no one else will either believe her story or perhaps her daughter was a willing accomplice in the original abduction os normal channels aren’t working for her.
As far as the Matriarch inviting the boy to the ball, yeah, I need to make sure she’s painted as an eccentric who would flaunt convention and in her own way, she’s trying to corrupt Alex as well, to prevent him from stealing away the bride she’s chosen for her son.
But yes, definitely lots to think about still to save myself from the fog of vagueness. =) Thanks for taking the time to read, consider and comment!
Oh, and I read 2/3rd of the Nancy Kress book Beginnings, Middles and Ends and that’s going to influence what I’ve done so far as well. Lotsa good reading this week. Need to sit and fiddle and put in some practical application time.